So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
