do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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