Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
