theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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