what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
