My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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