Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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