Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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