dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
