UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
