not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
