Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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