Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
