Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
