We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
