hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
