i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
