You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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