She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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