You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
