fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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