This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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