Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize