you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
