So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
