I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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