Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
