Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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