I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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