He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize