You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
