What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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