is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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