tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
