Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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