i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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