ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
