Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
