smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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