Where is the hickey?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
