I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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