pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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