fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
