You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
