ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
