Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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