You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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