Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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