I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
3pm strippers are depressing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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