so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
