I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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