We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
