Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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