Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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