i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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