You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
