It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
