she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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