I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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