ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I want is dick and wine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
