Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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