Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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