allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
