I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
