Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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