I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
