Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
PANTIES FOUND
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
