worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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