It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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