He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
