Sry I called you an 8
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
