I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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