Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
