I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
FUCK WHALES
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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