I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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