i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
