Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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