Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
