Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
