i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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