Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
