I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
