She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
