I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
