I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
