And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
