so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
