I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
